How to Write Instant Poetry

Google always likes to honour the birthdays of dead people whose achievements are mostly unsung. My recent favourite is March 5th’s Momofuku Ando, inventory of Instant noodles, whose Google page caused quite a stir. However I will heartily congratulate the man who should be considered the grandfather of university cuisine. So I heartily salute you, Momofuku Ando for … Continue reading How to Write Instant Poetry

Wordplay: The Q & A

If, really there is no if, excuse me, when I win the Nobel Prize for Literature, I will accept it with a beer in one hand, my speech notes in the other (and seeing as I still have the armspace, a hooker under each arm). After taking a swig from my glass, I would begin my thank you’s to my creative lit professor, myself for being awesome, and the funny voices in my head that give me all my wonderful ideas as well tell me to set the mailboxes on fire. Then having brought the room to an awed awkwardness, maybe a couple chuckles from the cooler suits and dresses, I’ll say just kidding, silly voices be damned, it was Orson Scott Card who taught me how to write.

Yeah let’s hear it, Ender’s Game was the shit (no it wasn’t, I’d give it B+ at best), but it wasn’t Ender’s Game that makes him one of my literary heroes, no it was for “Elements of Fiction Writing: Characters & Viewpoint”. Yah, reading How-to-Write guides do work, but not in that I-m-a-millionaire-and-you-can-be-one-too kind of way, but in the way how I learned nothing from 11th grade Chemistry except that potassium when exposed to air explodes (hilarious to watch though). Continue reading “Wordplay: The Q & A”

First-Drafters

I once met a professional author at her launch for her short story collection and after purchasing her book and waiting in line to upgrade it to a limited sign edition, I asked her how long it took to write just one of her short stories. “A year” was her reply. A. Whole. Freaking. Year. … Continue reading First-Drafters